My butt feels flat.
Doesn’t that ever happen to you? It happens to me every time I sit for too long, and trust me when I say it’s uncomfortable. Don’t judge me when I tell you that it’s a frequent occurrence for me 😄 . It almost always happens to me in school, when we have two whole hours between recess and lunch, with my Physics teacher all like “The electromagnetic spectrum yada yada yada” and I’m sitting there like “I can’t feel my buttocks woman I think the electromagnetic spectrum can wait.”
Anyway, (I swear to god, I have ADHD. I could get distracted by – oh look, a puppy!) the reason behind my butt-flatness today is not the electromagnetic spectrum. Its because I was sitting in the car for about six hours straight, travelling from Raipur (party central) to Nagpur. Aka, from my maternal grandparents’ place to my paternal grandparents’ place.
And while I was in the car for that crazy long time, I realised that I have some pretty awesome travel experiences to share. After we moved to India, we travel at least three times a year within India to visit all the relatives and the fam. Trust me, there’s lots of them. Even when we were in Oz, we used to visit every two years and go on a customary jungle safari to a different jungle, with the whole gang, every single time.
Needless to say, when our family gets together, strange things happen.
So here are my funniest travel stories!
1. “How do we get to Singapore?”
To understand this, one must first understand the setting (good luck with that). It’s 4 am. The kids have been put to sleep, and since this was a few years back, I was one of them. I still like going to bed early with the cousins because my mixed up bedtime stories (Rapunzel ate a poisoned apple and left her glass slipper at the Beast’s castle) for the smallies, and our hysterical laughter, make for a pretty epic sleepover. Anyway, back to the setting. Kids asleep in one of the cars, four in the morning, and a bunch of partying adults in another car. It was a long road trip, and it so happens that we have to stop at a toll booth. First, you have to know that asking an Indian for directions, is as good as getting lost. The ONLY answer you will get is “arey vo seedha jaake right”, that is, go straight and take a right. The best part is the guy will seem TOTALLY genuine about it. No one’s trying to mislead anyone or anything, it’s just their default mode. So at this toll booth, after paying and everything, one of my hilarious uncles (the Pitbull-playing party animal, the most fun really, you can read all about him here 🙂 ), decides to ask the guy “Singapore ka rasta bataana?”, or “How do I get to Singapore?”. Don’t question it. They’re always in the mood to have fun. But, you see, the guy starts genuinely explaining the way with hand gestures and everything, telling my uncle to go straight, take a right or two, then go straight some more……..I cannot even tell you how funny it was. The poor guy was so genuine, and we drove away with a car full of people roaring with laughter.
2. “People of this village, my zipper is stuck!”
This is a recent one. All of us had gone camping, to celebrate my mom’s birthday. Long after everyone else in snoring inside their tents, my dad and yet another one of my uncles, stumble into the tent beside mine. I was shaken awake because my dad was giggling CONTINUOUSLY like a little girl, and not even quietly. I decided to stay awake a little longer to find out the cause of all the laughter. And then, a few moments later, I hear it:
“Band kar na bhai!” (“Close it fast, man!”)
“Arey vo band nahi hora yaar” (“It’s not closing bro”)
and then, in a hilarious, kind of whiny, partied out voice:
“GAO VALOOOOON, MERI ZIP BAND NAHI HO RAHI HAIN!!!!”
(“Yo villagers, my zipper isn’t zipping up!!!!!!!!)
*riotous little girl giggles from dad*
Later, we found out that my dad and my uncle were struggling to zip up the tent, and my uncle was announcing it to everyone in the area in this absolutely hilarious, dazed kinda voice. Also, notice that the sentence above makes it sound like he’s struggling to zip up his pants, which only makes it funnier. I swear, if you could have heard that voice, you would’ve been in stitches just like all of us.
3. Random street dancing.
What do I even say about this guy. He is my mom’s uncle, but he is easily the most approachable for any age group. He’s like the glue of the entire family. Oh, and he’s BONKERS in the VERY BEST WAY. Party is his middle name. Oh, you’re tired and just want to have a peaceful night in today? Nope, doesn’t matter, don’t care. With him around, it’s party time all day, everyday. You just have to meet him in person. Really, you’re missing out. I call him Mario sometimes coz he looks just as cute and young ahahhahah. So anyway, one of his habits in pretty much any road trip was this: he would stop the car, like COMPLETELY out of the blue, get out of the driver’s seat after putting on some loud and usually inappropriate music, and start dancing. In front of the car. In the middle of street. Chances are, in the middle of the night. And trust me when I say some of those moves could scar you for life. He didn’t really care that everyone in the car wasn’t able to breathe because they couldn’t stop laughing. This happened every single time, as my mom tells me, because I wasn’t born yet. The crazy genes go way back in this family.
So that is it you guys! Those are my crazy travel stories for today, and noticed that I titled the post ‘Funnies Travel Stories 001‘, because there’s bound to be more hilarious travel tales to tell!
I really hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I enjoyed writing it 🙂 . It was one of my favourites to type out, I was laughing out loud almost the entire time.
Drop me a comment below, I love reading them!
ThePastryPoet, signing off.